Because I'm Voicing My Opinion

For those of you who don't know, I'm moving to Waterford. It's for reasons I'm not going to openly broadcast to the public. But I will, however, say that the reason for this move is simply the sign of the times. Although I'm moving on from the devastation of so much change crammed into only 3 or 4 months, I'm trying to warm up to the new chapter in my life that I'm just starting. Devastation may sound like I'm just being overdramatic. Well, I'm not. I'm not trying to, at least. When I use that word, I literally mean I was devastated from the big, heaping pile of stinking change slopped right in front of me.

I wish there was another word for "stress" because I've used that word so much these past few months that it sounds too repeditive. All the pressure put on the family has definetly made it's presence known. Our bickering is our way of dealing with everything. I find myself constantly trying to get something accomplished but there's so much I need to get done that I can't concentrate on just one thing. Naturally, nothing gets done after that. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

I came up with a concept earlier today while ranting to my mom about this very subject. Our house is like an electrical outlet; we have multiple extension cords spraying out in so many directions; our connections we've made throughout our lives (doctors office, high school, elementary school, work, relatives, every single friend). Now, our outlet is moved to a much further and inconveneint place. But we can't just cut our cords. So we have to stretch them until we can't anymore. It's so much more work because now we have to work around that distance just to live our lives like we would normally. Because life goes on, it won't stop just because something happened in our little lives.

I've talked with my mom, I've talked with my dad, I've talked with my brother and my sister. The conclusion that I've come to with each and every one I've talked to is this:
"Everything happens for a reason."
Wow, cliche right? Yeah, so? Whatever. But really, I can't think of anything else to help explain why this is happening to my family. I'm sure there are other families that have gone through this that are just as decent and polite as we are, but we are polite, honest, and hardworking people. I'm finding myself questioning this entire country and it's way of "living freely". That "everything happens for a reason" quote explains everything. It has to, or I don't have a clue in the world why this is happening.

"It could be worse" How many times have I heard that one? So true. But, in my position, and in MY life, I felt (and still kind of do feel) like it couldn't (and can't) get any worse; that this was (and is) the worst thing to happen to me. No, I'm not living out of a box or anything; that would be the realisticly worst case scenerio. My family and I are damn lucky to have the back up from our relatives. Blood is really thicker than water. Obviously, countless other Americans have delt with this change. I don't know how they cooped with it, or if they even came out alive. I'm not wallowing in self-pity, but I still can't get over how terribly hard it is to move on from a place I lived my entire life in. I'm being ripped away from a save haven; a place that housed not just me and my family, but my love, my life, my memories; a place I've always came home to at the end of the day since birth. My home was a place I would think about during school when I was having a bad day; I'd think if I could just get through today, I'd be on my way to my home where no one can upset me, annoy me, or piss me off. That's what a home is supposed to be. This is my home, it has always been my home, and it will always be my home.

I'm 99.99% sure this house that is, by the way, over 165 years old, will be knocked down simply because whoever makes big desicions like that takes one look at this house and says "nah, too much work. too much money." Well, who the hell are they to say that? This house is not just a place I slept in throughout my entire 18 year old life. It's a rother mucking piece of history. There are pictures of this house with freaking horse and buggies outside of it. Yeah, swallow that one without any water. Because as soon as that person decides they're too lazy to fix it up, they'll sell it to someone who will knock it down and make room for something modern and convenient. But isn't that what this whole country is about now? Convenience? Yeah. Peachy keen jelly bean.

What I'm trying to get at is how easily it is to get sucked up in the idea that "everything sucks camel youknowwhatz". I'm not letting myself get that way. In fact, I'm going the opposite direction. I'll try my best to let go of how unfair life actually is right now. I'll try my best to move on from the only home I've really ever known, because no matter how much I feel sorry for myself, it's not going to change anything. I can see how easy it is to slip down that hill. I can't. I won't. Hell, I'll definetly voice my opinion. And yeah, I'll probably say how banks suck and how greedy every person with tons of money is. I can promise I'll let anyone who wants to hear how much I hate what's happened hear. But my life is literally just beginning. I guess it's a better change to start everything totally and completely over. Right? But I know my heart will always be buried under the floor boards of the old farm house in a small city that no one really knows about. No matter what is built on top of this piece of land, my heart will remain there until I die. I will always remember my home sweet home.